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Too Young to Feel This Way: At Just 20 Years Old, She Cringes When Her Boyfriend Wants Sex

She is young and spry with just one problem: she doesn’t want sex. When she first lost her virginity, she was always ready for romance. But now, just a short time later, she feels pain during intercourse and no longer wants to engage. Her boyfriend, on the other hand, is just as lustful as ever.

Case #: 1641


I am 20 years old, going on 21 in a couple of months. Last summer I lost my virginity to my current boyfriend, and we have been together for a few years now. When we first had sex, I was very confident and felt like nothing could stop me. Now, I have become a worrisome girlfriend, not allowing him to touch certain parts of my body. The biggest problem for me is sex. I feel pain 90 percent of the time during intercourse, and I don’t want it as a result. I can’t stand this pain. When I am willing to have sex with my boyfriend, it hurts and brings me down. He keeps pushing me to have sex, but I just don’t want to. Is there anything that can help me so I can have that same sex drive again? I want to be an animal to him, like he wants me to be. I don’t mind giving that to him.


It seems simple – you meet a guy, you’re attracted to him and the two of you have sex. Sexual desire, however, is complicated. At the core is the need to feel safe. You also need to feel loved and/or desired, meaning some part of the heart must be touched. Finally, you must expect satisfaction, not pain, from sex. If any one of these factors is missing, intercourse will become a dreaded chore rather than an anticipated act.

It sounds like at this point, you engage in sex only to please your boyfriend. Our advice is to stop. The pain won’t cease until you determine its cause, and continuing to have intercourse will likely prolong your recovery time. So take a deep breath and think about yourself.

The Mystery of Pain during Sex

The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecologists reports nearly 75 percent of all women experience pain with intercourse. This pain is different for every individual – some describe it as a burning in the abdomen, others experience a stabbing sensation in the vaginal opening. Still other women feel throbbing in their lower back or side.

One of the most common causes of pain in young women is lack of arousal. This differs from desire in that it’s your body’s way of saying, “I’m ready for sex.” Arousal usually occurs during foreplay, when your vagina produces natural lubrication in preparation for intercourse. Without foreplay, you may be too dry for sex, meaning your boyfriend has to push and possibly even tear your vaginal tissues to get inside.

Fear is another common problem, not necessarily the fear of sex but rather that of disappointing or being disappointed. This emotion leads to inhibition, a mechanism that shuts down healthy sexual responses. It’s hard to relax and enjoy the moment if your mind is revving and your body is tense.

Speaking of fear and disappointment, it’s important to know if intercourse gave you pleasure before the pain started. If not, examine the ways in which you and your boyfriend made love. Ask yourself if he considers your pleasure first and if he makes you feel comfortable. Relationship woes gravely hinder sex and lead to painful penetration.

Why the Clitoris Matters

You said you don’t allow your boyfriend to touch certain parts of your body. If the clitoris is one of those off-limits spots, now is a good time to ask yourself why. This organ, after all, is essential to female sexual pleasure.

Women commonly experience soreness or tenderness in the clit after sex. Because clitoral stimulation is the only way most women reach orgasm, they ask their partners to specifically touch this organ. Touching is normal and healthy, although vigorous rubbing can cause swelling, dull pain and even a loss of sensation.

Sex will not yield the pleasure it once did if your clitoris is unhealthy, and continuing to rub it will only make the problem worse. This information is important because clitoral insensitivity might explain the pain you feel with sex. Using an over-the-counter lubricant will protect the clit from tenderness and nerve desensitization.

Reclaim Your Pleasure

In order to increase your desire, you must first prevent sexual pain. We have a remedy for both: Argenine. This supplement has shown to improve cardiovascular health, but its ability to open blood vessels and increase blood flow makes it useful to genital health as well. (SEE: Increased Sexual Passion Herbal Formula) Improved circulation means genitals respond better to sex, which in turn reduces the likelihood for pain. Argenine also enhances libido by balancing hormones and increasing sensitivity. With this supplement, you’ll want sex because it feels good.

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Ideas: Women's, Low Sex Drive

Blog ID: 58546

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