A Lady Might Say No to Anal Sex, but a Woman Comfortable with Her Sexuality and Well Prepared for the Act Could Be Willing to Explore

She is sexually adventurous and freely admits she enjoys intercourse. Now her boyfriend wants to take the next step and engage in anal sex. Out of fear, she turned him down but is now seeking more information because she wants to satisfy him as well as her own curiosity.

Case #: 1656

Concern：

Hello. I am a 24-year-old female, and I am really curious about something. You might say I am a girl who likes to have sex and enjoys it. I am not ashamed to share this because I think it is a normal thing. Sex is so pleasurable. Last month, when my boyfriend and I were done having sex, we laid in bed and talked. He was ready for round two, but he recommended we change things up and try anal sex. As a lady I said no, of course, but I didn’t say no because I didn’t want to. I said no because I have no knowledge about anything to do with anal sex. I have never tried anything anal and am concerned and curious if there are things I need to know before we actually do it. The only piece of information I have is that it is painful for women. If there is anything else I should know, it would be a really big help. Thank you.

Discussion：

You’re right to ask questions about anal sex before taking the plunge. This act is becoming increasingly popular among the 20-something crowd, but that doesn’t mean it should be taken lightly. The anus is extremely sensitive, and without the right information you can hurt yourself while engaging in anal sex. But if you go into it with some knowledge, you might be surprised at the pleasure you’re able to feel.

Are Women Expected to Enjoy Anal Sex?

This question has two different answers, depending on who you ask. Those in the porn film industry would say yes, of course. The rest of the population, however, would probably say women are not expected to enjoy anal sex. This means they should engage simply to satisfy their partners.

Subscribing to the latter belief can fill you with dread and cause your body to tense in fear. Both of these are the last reactions you want before engaging in anal sex. Instead, you want to be confident and relaxed. Here’s a bit of information to help you stay cool: it is possible for women to orgasm during anal sex. If you don’t the first time, don’t feel discouraged. Like anything else it can take time and practice. But remember it is possible.

Also consider the “naughty” aspect of anal sex. You mentioned that because you’re a lady, you automatically turned down your boyfriend’s suggestion that you have a little backdoor play. Thanks to women’s lib, however, even ladies engage in sex and still command respect. The key is in realizing you can act out your sexual fantasies without anyone ever knowing or caring. Because most women like the idea of playing a “bad girl” role in bed, anal sex can be as arousing for you as it is for your boyfriend.

Make Sure You’re Prepared

Most women worry they’ll make a mess during anal sex, but thoroughly washing yourself and using the restroom no less than one hour before will help prevent accidents. You should also keep in mind that anal sex can be extremely painful if not performed properly. Your boyfriend must prod slowly and gently – the anus is not made for things to be inserted. You’ll likely need to help him in this respect, meaning you should guide his penis into you. Also speak openly if you feel pain.

Another point often unnoticed by women and their partners is the risk of infection posed by anal sex. Make sure your boyfriend still wears a condom to prevent sexually transmitted diseases. If you want to engage in vaginal penetration after, he should change into a second, clean condom. The anus is loaded with bacteria that, if presented to the vagina, will cause infection.

Lube is Your Best Friend

The most important factor with anal sex is using lube. (SEE: Guide for Selecting Anal Lubricants) Don’t be shy or worry about soiling the bed sheets. Lube will help his penis glide into your anus without damaging delicate tissues. Because the anus is so tight, lube is also the only way the two of you will successfully engage in anal sex. So keep the bottle handy – you might need more than you think.

If you’re looking for a specific brand, our best advice is to choose the lube that feels good to you. You want a smooth and silky texture that won’t irritate skin. Keep your boyfriend’s skin in mind as well when you make your selection – his penis may become chafed if the formula isn’t just right.