After Six Kids, the Tread is Off the Tires

40-year-old woman with six children feels that her vagina has lost its tone along the way. Her husband is avoiding sex, saying her vagina doesn’t excite him anymore. What caused her looseness, and how can she regain her tightness, and her sex life?

Case #: 608

Concern：

I’ve been married for 23 years. My marriage has brought six wonderful children into the world. And now in my 40s, sex has become, well, routine. I heard all my older friends say the same thing: don’t let sex become a routine. Don’t let sex become a routine. DON'T LET SEX BECOME ROUTINE! Well, I let sex become a routine. And now I see why they said that: he’ll become bored of sex. Now, he makes excuses not to make love. And when we do have sex, he prosaically flops around like a fish out of water.

According to my husband, the problem is not my technique—or physique—it’s my tightness.

Sure, I noticed my vaginal muscles lost strength after my fourth child. My fifth and sixth child did sort of slide out, sort of like being on a Slip ‘N Slide. As I aged, I noticed I lost stimulation during sex. And with my tightness went my husbands desire for sex. So what exactly causes vaginal looseness? How can I get back my tightness to excite my husband again?

Discussion：

At 40, there are two conditions responsible for vaginal looseness: parity and hormones. Having six children has undoubtedly contributed to the condition your vagina is in now, which is natural. The other aspect of vaginal looseness has to do with the presence of specific hormones in the body by age. After age 35, the hormones that are responsible for the quality of the vagina begin to decrease, resulting in a looser, drier place, with less sensation.

Childbearing is Wearing

So, you’ve had six children. The only thing that can truly stretch a vagina is the head of a child being pushed through it. Especially as you’ve continued bearing children past your early twenties, the “spring back” of your vagina has lessened each time, leaving you with a looser vagina overall. This is not abnormal, nor is it irreparable. What I would recommend for loosened vaginal walls is Kegel exercises.

These exercises strengthen the muscles of the pelvic floor, resulting in stronger vaginal walls, and better bladder control. Kegel practitioners also site more orgasms, better orgasms, more orgasm control, and better sensation during sex, along with the obvious benefit of a tighter, stronger vagina. Incontinence might not be an issue for you, but if it is, Kegels can also help with controlling leaks. Stronger vaginal walls also lead to decreased issues with things like prolapsed bladders, or uteruses.

All in all, Kegel exercises are a great, easy way to find a better sex experience, and a healthier sex life. It’s very easy to find a Kegel how-to on the Internet; I recommend MayoClinic for an easy-to-follow guide.

When You Lose ‘Em, You Loosen

The second aspect of your lack of tightness is probably due to your age. Like I mentioned, after 35, women begin to experience a drop in hormone levels, specifically estrogen and progesterone. Estrogen is responsible for vaginal tone; without it, the muscles of the vagina begin to atrophy. Estrogen also keeps the vagina well lubricated, and keeps circulation flowing well. Without estrogen, it’s difficult for the vagina to “snap back” after childbirth, and I wonder if you were approaching this period with the birth of your fourth child.

With decreased circulation, your sexual sensation drops, thus resulting in a looser, less-sensitive vagina. However, you can easily give your body a boost on this front. I would recommend taking a revivial supplement that’s meant to restore vaginal tone; these usually include high levels of phytoestrogenic herbs—which means they provide the estrogen and progesterone your body is looking for in the form of plant chemicals.

Hubby Help

You mentioned that your husband has also been less interested in sex lately, and you claim it’s due to your vaginal looseness. Well, I hope that by tightening your vagina you recover your husband’s interest, but if not, you might try slipping him a libido supplement (see a list of them) designed to increase male libido. Males go through a change of life, too, though most people aren’t aware of it, known as viropause or andropause. A compound designed to increase adrenal function during this time might benefit him as well as yourself in the bedroom.