It’s All Going Downhill: She and Her Boyfriend Once had Daily Sex but Now Rarely Engage Because of Low Libido

She used to have sex three times a day with her boyfriend. But life soon intervened, and neither could find the time necessary for intercourse. Although their schedules have again slowed, their sexual routines continue to suffer. She blames herself because of low libido – she wants sex but just can’t get in the mood. She’s now looking for a way to distress and increase desire.

Case #: 1753

Concern：

My boyfriend and I used to have sex a lot, up to three times a day. We became busy late last year, and we never really had time for sex because our schedules conflicted. But now we are free for each other. Since finally having free time, we have only had sex three times in the past month, and that’s not normal for us. I am really attracted to him, and I want to have sex because it makes us both happy, and I know how amazing it can feel. The only problem now is that I just don’t feel that intimate when we try to engage. I feel like we just need a little something to start off and then go for sex. Please help us, I love my boyfriend and want us both to be happy.

Discussion：

When you lead a busy life, it’s tough to enjoy the simplest of pleasures. This includes sex, which as we know provides physical and emotional health benefits. But those benefits matter not when you’re too tired to muster the energy for playing between the sheets.

What’s a person to do? The first step is to look at your schedule and see where you can shave time from routine activities. Rather than waking early to stop for coffee, sleep in and brew a pot at home. Skip after-work cocktails with colleagues and save socializing for weekends. Also plan for times of intimacy. If you’re worried about losing the excitement of spontaneity, don’t be. The truth is you must make time for sex before you can have it.

The Toll of Stress on Romance

Stress is a small word for a multi-faceted condition that affects the mind and body. It spares no body part, from the brain to the immune system, and serves as more than an emotional state. Women tend to feel stress on a more profound level than men because they dismiss its importance – research from the American Academy of Family Physicians shows more than 40 percent of females routinely fail to manage stress, compared with just 30 percent of males.

You need this information to understand how stress steals a woman’s sexual energy. This process starts in the brain, where trillions of messages come and go in a continual cycle. For the purpose of simplifying, think of happy messages as being transmitted by positive messengers. Sad messages are similarly carried by negative messengers. Input from both types of messengers constantly hits the central nervous system, so the key is in maintaining balance between the two.

The presence of stress severely inhibits positive message relays so the brain becomes overloaded with negative messages. This condition results in a chemical imbalance that manifests itself as irritability, physical pain and fatigue. Given these symptoms, it’s easy to see why a woman under stress would not want to have sex.

Relationships and Their Revolutionary Cycles

In addition to the stress from life, you must remember romantic relationships change with time. Scientists have in fact pinpointed the five traditional phases a relationship cycles through from beginning to end. The first state is romance, in which both of you are on your best behaviors. You laugh at similar jokes, make concerted efforts to please each other and feel sexually connected.

The next stage is the power struggle, in which you and your partner reveal the true nature of your personalities. This often leads to the realization of differences, and some relationships survive while others don’t. The point here is the sexual bliss you previously experienced has started to wane.

The third stage is stability, followed by commitment, a state of safety and security. After, you move onto procreation, a place where where you begin to build a life together.

Ignite a Little Passion

We explained the five relationship phases so you can understand it’s natural if you and your boyfriend no longer have sex up to three times a day. But this doesn’t mean you have to settle for three times a month. A great way to create the mood for romance is with erotic massage. (TRY: Libido Boosting Erotic Massage) Don’t worry – this is a stress-free but effective way to increase sexual tension and also relax tired muscles. The two of you need only to rub each other in the “right” places, and you’ll be well on your way to a night of sensual lovemaking.