Friction is Great for Car Tires, But not in the Bedroom

After a first-time experience with anal sex that caused nothing more than friction, she wants to know how this act can be improved for optimal pleasure.

Case #: 1742

Concern：

My boyfriend – well, my soon to be ex-boyfriend – and I had anal sex recently for both our first times. I was really curious as to what the best technique would be to make the whole process go more smoothly. I understand the pleasure won’t be the same as regular intercourse after trying it. But, for future encounters, what is the best way to cause less friction when having anal sex?

Discussion：

You’re right – anal sex is nothing like vaginal intercourse. Each requires a different technique and produces different sensations. For women, their first foray with anal sex is usually less than satisfactory. This isn’t because backdoor action can’t be enjoyable, but because most couples lack the knowledge necessary for a pleasurable experience.

The Anal Sex Lowdown

Some people subscribe to the motto “exit only” when it comes to anal sex, meaning they don’t want to engage because anal penetration seems wrong. But part of the appeal with backdoor play is its naughtiness. Life requires people to be serious, responsible and mindful. Anal sex, on the other hand, leads you down a slightly forbidden path where you can toss inhibitions and revel in sensuality. This can be a huge turn-on when handled correctly.

For those who take their time, anal sex also holds great possibilities for pleasure. The act has a reputation for causing pain, particularly for women, but it doesn’t have to hurt at all. The key is in relaxing. It’s likely that women who don’t enjoy anal sex aren’t doing it right. While the premise seems easy enough – your partner inserts his penis into your anal cavity and pumps in and out – anal sex requires honest communication and the proper degrees of submission from both partners.

What You Need to Feel Good

Talking might seem a little awkward during intimacy, but it’s a necessity for anal sex. You have to take the initiative and tell your partner what feels good – and what hurts. He won’t know otherwise, and if something he’s doing feels less than pleasurable, you have to let him know so he stops.

You have to remember the anus and surrounding tissues are densely populated with nerve endings. Every move you or your partner makes during anal sex will register on your body. A great sexual experience therefore depends on you guiding your partner rather than vice versa. Some women accomplish this by gripping their lovers’ penises and gently inserting them into their anuses – this allows them to control the pace and depth of penetration. Other women prompt themselves up with pillows so they can watch their partners during anal sex, and still others keep their hands down there so partners don’t thrust too wildly.

We mentioned the word “relax” just a little earlier and now need to touch on the topic with greater depth. When you’re relaxed, your body is in a more fluid state. Muscles aren’t tight or tense, and you’re situated comfortably on the bed so you and your partner can explore anal sex with ease. The best way to relax is to reach orgasm before you open your back door.

For booty play to be successful, you must also ease your mind. Forget what you’ve heard about anal sex and learn from the mistake of your first experience. If you’re worried about making a mess on the sheets, make sure you thoroughly wash your anus before having sex. Use the restroom no less than one hour before you plan to get frisky, and lay a towel underneath you for extra insurance.

The Most Important Component of All: Lubrication

Before you even think about anal sex again, invest in a quality silicone lubricant. (SEE: Guide for Silicone Lubricant Selection) Lube is absolutely essential because it protects your skin from tearing and allows your partner to easily glide in and out. It also reduces friction and enhances sensuality. But take your time when selecting lubrication – you’ll want to pay attention to ingredients, scent quality and thickness to get the one best suited to your needs.