Menopause + Chronic Masturbation = Bad Sex

Sex can be difficult for aging couples, but what happens when the the libido of both partners is diminished due to her menopausal symptoms and his chronic masturbation? Learn the facts, and get the solution.

Case #: 874

Concern：

I am writing for both myself and my wife of 33+ years. She had begun to experience peri-menopausal symptoms beginning several years ago with the typical hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, and mood swings. Between the bouts of symptoms our sex life remained largely unchanged...very satisfying. Her doctor recommended an over-the-counter vitamin combination that focused on vitamin B to help with the symptoms - which it did for a few years. In the last year she has weaned from the vitamins as the symptoms have eased off to almost non-existent.

However, during that time she has developed a vaginal dryness so significant that it discourages intercourse. Her interest in sex has waned dramatically although mutual masturbation has supplemented our need for intimacy. She opposes lubricants as they seem to cause discomfort for her.

I, on the other hand, find myself more mentally aroused than physically. I have frequent nocturnal erections, although not as firm as a couple of years ago. During our foreplay and intimacy I can maintain an erection, but again, usually not as firm as it once was. It almost never has the sensation of being so hard, it almost hurts once in a while. In researching your site I encountered a description you’re posed of being mentally aroused more frequently than physically able to support - this is how I feel. I do not experience headaches, pains, dizziness or many of the other symptoms you describe. We are in average to good physical health otherwise with no illnesses or medications.

She has not used birth control since having children, and has not had any surgeries since childbearing. We have never had any surgeries. We both work and have mostly evenings together, but find that either or both are too fatigued for intimacy (I am probably more often interested than she, but out of consideration for her, do not press the point). We are very much in love and engage in some intimacy probably once to twice a week on average, though I would like it to be more regular - it used to be. What do you suggest to enhance her natural lubrication and encourage her libido (unless of course they are closely related)? What do you suggest to boost my testosterone (presuming this is part of the problem) and rejuvenate my physical arousal to match my mental?

Discussion：

The biggest challenge of sex isn't achieving an erection, or even performing at your best. The biggest challenge of sex, by far, is being on the same page with your partner. Perhaps that's one of the reasons why masturbation is so appealing. You never have to worry about interpreting the rhythms of your own body, and you never have to look down at your penis and ask, “So, are you in the mood tonight?” (by the way, if your penis replies , “No, I have a headache,” see a doctor at once).

These challenges plague even the most sexually able couples, but when you toss in symptoms like low testosterone and perimenopause, it's like having two puzzle pieces that just won't fit together. So how do we reignite the passion?

First, Your Wife

Your wife is definitely experiencing the symptoms of advanced menopause: vaginal dryness, loss of libiodo, night sweats, insomnia...Her sexual dysfunction is the result of estrogen imbalance and DHEA depletion. DHEA is the precursor to estrogen, and is responsible for healthy estrogen production, so when DHEA levels start to drop, estrogen follows suit. And for a woman, sex without estrogen is like a cupcake with frosting: all you have a is a dry, tasteless sponge.