Too Young to Be Stuck in Neutral: She Wants a Remedy for Her Abnormally Low Sex Drive



Although she’s too young to grapple with low libido, she is admittedly never in the mood. She can’t explain her condition and wants desperately to change. It is also her goal to enjoy the entire act of sex, from start to finish, for a more fulfilling experience.

Case #: 1750

Concern：

I am a 24 year-old female. I’m not a virgin because I’ve had sexual intercourse on a few occasions, but I don’t have a high sex drive. I never seem to be in the mood for sex, and I was just curious – what can I do to get more in the mood? Once I am in the act of having sex, I will feel my sex drive boost, but it’s only until I’m finished. I want to enjoy the entire experience of sex, from arousal to orgasm. What can I do differently to get more in the mood and increase my chances of having orgasm?

Discussion：

What we’re about to tell you is one of life’s most simple truths: you must want sex in order to enjoy it. While you may already understand this, you may not know that increasing your libido – or getting in the mood – is not as complex as you might think. You first need to understand your mind and body. After that, you must be prepared to explore different levels of intimacy.

Sex: What It Really Means in a Relationship

Many people approach sex with a cavalier attitude, but it’s a monumental moment in which two bodies physically join. As a result, sex contains multiple opportunities for vulnerability and even fear. People who understand this sometimes fumble with the idea of intimacy. It’s not that they don’t want sex, but that they don’t want to deal with the fall-out of a bad experience.

Before the sexual revolution of our society, intercourse was perceived as a quick and mildly dirty deed performed in the dark privacy of a bedroom. Today people are collectively more open to discussing sex, but that doesn’t mean it’s a well-understood topic. Young women in particular often have skewed visions of intercourse – they want to please their partners but negate the possibility for their own pleasure.

Ideally, sex should bring men and women to orgasm. It should also be a shared bonding experience that unites the two of you on a more profound level. If these qualities are missing, a woman’s desire will quickly start to wane. Or, even worse, she might develop a fear of intimacy.

What Causes Fear of Intimacy?

Staying in a relationship that causes angst or anxiety isn’t healthy. This is where most women develop a fear of intimacy – they no longer trust their partners and in turn no longer want sex. To better understand this for yourself, consider your current relationship and its potential red flags. Has your boyfriend been unfaithful? Does he make derogatory comments about your appearance? Or is the relationship simply less than fulfilling?

Sometimes a woman’s present situation isn’t the problem, but rather her past. Many who fear intimacy have experienced a previous dating trauma that continues to plague even after the relationship’s termination. These traumas include infidelity, excessive criticism and physical abuse.

It’s important to remember sexual desire starts in the brain, not the genitals. What we’re trying to say is intimacy comes with huge responsibilities. Both of you must be true to each other and willing to create a comfortable environment in which you can achieve mutual satisfaction.

Emotional Hindrances to Sex

A fear of intimacy can also develop because of your own mental state. Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), for instance, often causes romantic anxiety. People with OCD need stability, whereas intimate relationships tend to be messy, complex and difficult. For some, the thought of dealing with such chaos is too overwhelming.

Depression can similarly hinder a romantic relationship. Sex requires effort, and people with depressive symptoms back away because they lack mental motivation. Depression also stifles libido and makes sex seem like a chore rather than an act of pleasure.

Rev Up Sexual Desire

Erotic massage is a quick and effective way to increase sexual desire. (SEE: Sex Drive Boosting Massage) Its value can be found in the skin-to-skin contact required – this means you and your partner slowly and sensually touch each other in all the “right” places before sex even starts. To help you get the most out of erotic massage, we suggest you create a romantic environment. Light candles, play soft music and use scented oils. These small efforts will help build sexual tension until both of you want relief.