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An Impossible Conundrum: She Wants Sex and Feels Aroused but Cannot Get Wet – Even in the Most Intimate of Moments

In her own words, she wants to rip off her boyfriend’s clothes when he gets her good and hot. But regardless of the sexual desire she might feel, she cannot get wet, and plaguing dryness is starting to interfere with her relationship. All she wants is to produce her own vaginal fluids like any other normal woman.

Case #: 1731


I’m 21 years old, and I have been in a three-year relationship with a really awesome dude. But, every time we have sex, my vagina just stay dry instead of getting wet and ready for intercourse. I become really aroused, but I can never get wet, and he arouses me to the point where I want to rip off both our clothes. This is really uncomfortable for both of us, and it takes away the desire to have sex. We haven’t had any sort of sexual encounter in the last two weeks, and I am afraid my dryness is pushing him away. What is wrong with me? We have tried different lubes, but they don’t really work. I want my body to produce its own natural lubrication like all other women.


There’s no way to say this without being blunt: dry sex hurts. It chafes the vagina, tears skin and occasionally causes bleeding. After a few rounds of this discomfort, a woman doesn’t want intercourse; she wants only to protect herself from pain.

While it may seem vaginal wetness comes easily to other women, just the opposite is true – many ladies suffer from vaginal dryness. At the opposite end of the spectrum are those who grapple with excessive vaginal wetness. The goal is to find ways to complement your body’s natural functions so sex is easy and pleasurable.

Defining Vaginal Wetness

The fluid in your vagina that precedes sex does not occur magically. It is produced by vaginal walls that expand with increased blood flow to the genitals – a response caused by sexual arousal. Fluid extracted from the blood then becomes lubrication. If you and your boyfriend devote yourselves to plenty of foreplay, know it gives your body the time necessary to prepare for sex.

Estrogen is equally important to lubrication and prompts the vaginal walls to secrete fluid.

This is why younger women often become wetter during sex than more mature women – they have naturally higher levels of estrogen. However, this hormone can be influenced by a variety of factors, including diet, exercise, menstruation, and birth control pills. Even the amount of body fat you possess will cause subtle changes to estrogen. Women of all ages can therefore fall victim to vaginal dryness.

When Desire Isn’t Enough

Some women still cannot get wet even when they crave sex and have perfectly normal estrogen levels. Two additional explanations for this condition can be found in skin irritation and anxiety. The first relates to anything that makes contact with your skin and irritates it – clothes, soap, perfume, powder, and wipes. Once your skin is irritated, vaginal dryness sets in and won’t be remedied with traditional synthetic lubricants.

A lot of women think they need to use perfume-laden products to smell good. But the vagina is a self-sustaining organ. It cleanses itself with discharge, so the only thing you need to clean is the outside, or vulva. For that you need nothing more than tepid water and gentle soap. Skip the harsh products marketed to women who want to “feel fresh” and “smell clean.” If your vagina is healthy, it will smell naturally pleasant.

With regard to your mental state, worrying about vaginal dryness will only add to the problem. Stress impedes blood flow to the genitals and other organs, thereby diminishing your ability to get wet. The best thing you can do for yourself is relax. If you’re worried about your relationship, speak to your boyfriend. Let him know how you feel and voice your concerns – open communication will only strengthen your bond.

An Alternative to Lubrication

You mentioned over-the-counter lubes don’t help your vagina during sex. Here’s what you need to know about these lubricants: they ideally supplement a woman’s natural wetness, but they can be counter-productive to ladies who completely lack their own fluids. Trying to hyper-hydrate your vagina can also weaken the surrounding tissues. They become less resistant to trauma during intercourse and more susceptible to tears and abrasions.

Too much lubrication also takes away the pleasurable friction caused by sex. What we recommend instead is Wild Yam Moisturizing Gel. Yams have shown in scientific studies to mimic the activities of estrogen without disturbing the body’s hormonal balance. (TRY: Vaginal Moisturizing Wild Yam Gels) Using the gel will gently help your production of vaginal fluid without unwanted complications. As your wetness increases, so will the potential for intimacy between you and your boyfriend.

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Ideas: Women's, Vaginal Dryness

Blog ID: 60445

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