Female Low Libido: When it Seems like your Desire Will Never Be the Same

An overwhelming combination of personal loss, birth control pills, recreational drug use, and past relationship strife have dulled one woman's libido. How can she recover?

Case #: 630

Concern：

I was referred to this site by a friend, and I hope you can help me. I am 27 years-old, and I have "lost" my sex drive. I used to be VERY into sex with my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years, but in the past year and a half I've had no interest. I used to use pot daily but quit over a year ago. I also used ecstasy a lot years ago, and later I would use about every four months in high doses. We also used sex toys during these "rolling" times, maybe too aggressively, I'm not sure.

I stopped using ecstasy a year ago. After doing some research, I am sure that ecstasy has decreased the chemicals for my sexual drive. I have also been on birth control for 11 years. I did go through some traumatic times about three years ago with the loss of my father in a deadly car accident, and then about a year ago found my boyfriend was having a 3-month long-distance emotional affair with a married woman.

Another big thing was, I had a very intimate night with my boyfriend and really tried to get back into sex. We did this whole romantic evening, and then I found out the next day about the affair. It really shot down my "getting into sex again" goal. It was very hurtful, and we went through counseling, which was the best thing.

Now, when we do have sex (about 2-4 times a week), it is good, but not great like it used to be. I am still deeply in love with my boyfriend and am very attracted to him, but I just can't seem to have the drive I once had. Please help!

Discussion：

Recreational drugs, prescription drugs like birth control, and especially emotional turmoil can all deplete your libido and turn down the temperature in an otherwise loving intimate partnership. In addition, psychoactive drugs and hormonal birth control can combine with already debilitating stressors in your life, creating lasting imbalances in the brain's chemistry that make you more prone to depression and other mood disorders.

Birth Control Pills and the Libido:

Birth control pills are unbeatable when it comes to convenience and effectiveness. Although many women can use hormonal birth control safely and without any problematic side effects, the laundry list of potential issues that synthetic hormones in birth control pills can cause range from mildly inconvenient to fatal.

Because hormonal birth control depletes the sex hormones by shutting down ovarian function, a number of women find that the pill causes them to lose some of their interest in sex.

Recreational Drugs and the Libido:

You are most likely right about the ecstasy (MDMA) damaging your ability to enjoy sex the way you used to, especially if you and your boyfriend often had sex while rolling. While the drug is known for its tendency to stimulate sexy feelings like euphoria, empathy, and self-esteem while heightening the pleasures of being touched and held, sustained use can take a toll on your sex drive.

Too many ecstasy-assisted lovemaking sessions can establish a dependency on the drug, making it difficult to muster the level of desire necessary for those mind-blowing orgasms you used to have without its influence.

Long-term marijuana use can also have lasting effects on your libido. Frequent indulgence over an extended period depletes important biochemical resources and neurotransmitters, including acetylcholine, nitric oxide, and cGMP. Difficulty achieving sexual arousal, whether you're dealing with weak erections or vaginal dryness, is a documented complaint among chronic and past marijuana users. Additionally, as with ecstasy, using marijuana during sex can lead to a psychological dependency on the drug to "relax" and get in the mood.

How to Reignite your Passion:

Between the loss of your father, long-term hormonal birth control use, past drug use, and the stress your relationship suffered with your boyfriend's affair, it's no surprise that your sex drive has waned and sex has become less fulfilling.

With so many factors affecting your libido, it may be a good idea to eliminate the negative influences of birth control pills by switching to a non-hormonal contraceptive method. Continuing to abstain from recreational drug use will also be of paramount importance in restoring a healthy balance to your brain chemistry.

In addition to removing chemicals from the equation, herbal medicines like maca and catauba (SEE: Inca Secret Formulation) may counteract the lasting residual effects of prescription and recreational drugs on the libido without depleting your system further.