Talk Your Way To Better Sex - A Bag of Dirty Talks
Chances are that you've already gotten your partner in bed with some kind of innuendo. Lots of innuendo, possibly over several distinct encounters or even less than an hour or so ago. If that's the case, then the prospect of talking during sex should be pretty easy, right?
What Do You Mean?
Not necessarily. As any politician will tell you, there is a world of difference between giving a prepared speech, answering unrehearsed questions from the press, and engaging in a one-on-one interview.
Likewise, the kinds of conversations necessary to break down a potential partner's resistance to having sex with you are different from the ones that should come into play during sex play.
Assuming that both parties have mastered the basic physical mechanics of sex, there aren't many surprises left in that context. So, what turns a forgettable mutual-masturbation session into mind-blowing paroxysms of bliss?
Likewise, the kinds of conversations necessary to break down a potential partner's resistance to having sex with you are different from the ones that should come into play during sex play.
Assuming that both parties have mastered the basic physical mechanics of sex, there aren't many surprises left in that context. So, what turns a forgettable mutual-masturbation session into mind-blowing paroxysms of bliss?
Communication is the key. More specifically, focusing on discussing the sexual experience in the moment, while retaining awareness of your partner's feelings and pleasure (or lack thereof).
General Areas Of Dirty Talk
1. Complimentary: Tell your partner what you like about them and what they're doing.
2. Directive: Instructing your partner on what to do that you particularly enjoy
3. Encouragement: Letting your partner know when they're doing “it” right.
4. Sharing: Describing the sensations, both physical and emotional.
5. Inquiring: Finding out what your partner likes or wants.
Are there more? Experiment and find out for yourself.
But I Don't Like To Use Dirty Language! Ever!
The fun thing about “talking dirty” during sex is that it doesn't have to actually use “dirty” language. In fact, you may find that quite a lot of what you and your lover say to each other during sex is polite and complimentary: “I love it when you touch me there” and “That's so sexy” are both excellent, universal phrases. The point of the exercise is to enhance the intimacy of the experience, which involves opening up emotionally with your partner and encouraging them to do the same with you. Besides that, “dirty talk” doesn't have to be “talk” at all: purring, moaning, growling, and similar noises can often be at least as much of a turn-on as the most intricate sentence, and are certainly easier.
** The Science
“Speaking or hearing erotically charged words stimulates dopamine transmission, which plays a huge role in sexual excitement.” - Ian Kerner, PhD, author of “Passionista”**
Why You Should Talk During Sex
For a lot of us, guys and gals, our first sexual experiences involved masturbating at home. Which almost always meant keeping our mouths clamped shut to avoid the humiliation of having a parent knock on the door and ask “Are you all right in there?”
There is plenty of erotic potential in having sex in “forbidden” locations where keeping quiet is part of the thrill. But for those times when you and your partner are in a private room and there's no one to hear, communicating with your partner is a critically important part of enhancing the experience.
An Experiment That You Shouldn't Need To Conduct
Try to go through one day at your job, or just go through your normal weekday routine, without actually speaking with anyone.
For a bonus challenge, try to do it all without communicating non-verbally, as well. Unless you live alone in a well-stocked bunker and don't need to physically interact with anyone, chances are that everyone you've met that day felt badly about being ignored. So if communicating is that important when you aren't having sex with someone, it stands to reason that it's even more important otherwise. **
For a bonus challenge, try to do it all without communicating non-verbally, as well. Unless you live alone in a well-stocked bunker and don't need to physically interact with anyone, chances are that everyone you've met that day felt badly about being ignored. So if communicating is that important when you aren't having sex with someone, it stands to reason that it's even more important otherwise. **
It's About The Feelings
So, you've managed to win the trust of another person enough to for them to let down their physical and emotional defenses to the degree necessary for sex, Assuming that you have any interest in repeating the experience, you need to let your partner know that you were having a better time with them than masturbating, and the best time to do so is during the act.
Sure, you're going to make some mistakes, but so will your partner. Learning how to deal with these things in the bedroom is part and parcel with learning how to deal with them throughout the relationship, which invariably helps both of you feel more relaxed and comfortable with each other, which leads to even greater intimacy.
Sure, you're going to make some mistakes, but so will your partner. Learning how to deal with these things in the bedroom is part and parcel with learning how to deal with them throughout the relationship, which invariably helps both of you feel more relaxed and comfortable with each other, which leads to even greater intimacy.
If you're feeling anxious enough about it that your sexual performance is being affected, you might consider trying an herbal supplement designed specifically for calming you down while letting you stay aroused.
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