Qualifying as a Sperm Bank Donor

Sperm banks provide plenty of cannon fodder for their glorification of masturbation, but these places serve a necessary—and important—purpose for procreation. Selling your sperm can present a viable source for extra income, but not every man can donate. Nope, only the best of the best can donate, and if you want to participate, you need to meet the following standards:

• Stand at least 5’7” or taller. Some places require men to be at least 6 feet or taller. Why? Sperm banks make a profit from selling a man’s seed, and people eschew the sperm of short men.


• Provide a detailed history of your family’s health. Sperm banks pay top dollar for the best sperm available, and men with a genetic history riddled with diseases or conditions make the worst candidates. Because of patient-doctor rights, you may notice a tough time finding all of your family’s previous health history, so instead, you’ll need a member of your family to verify the genetic history of your family tree. If you wanted to keep your plans of being a donor a secret, good luck.


• Obligated to Masturbate—Legally. If you pass the application process, you will sign a contract stating that you will attend a sperm bank at least once a week for a 6-months or one-year period. Failure to abide by the contract means you can find yourself in court—for not masturbating.


• Pass an application process. Donor banks will study every aspect of your genetic history, but also your mental state and intelligence level. You’ll take a mental evaluation and an aptitude test to measure your intelligence.


• Obtain a high school diploma or higher. The smarter you are, the higher a sperm bank can sell your semen.


• Practice Abstinence. Prior to getting your first check, you’ll need to practice abstinence. You cannot masturbate or engage in sexual intercourse for 3 days prior to a donation.


• Remain free of STDs. Any type of sexually transmitted disease will automatically disqualify you.

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