So Close, and Yet So Far: On Multiple Occasions

She’s been having sex for years but still hasn’t reached orgasm. She climaxes during masturbation and occasionally during oral sex, and she comes close during intercourse, but nearly coming isn’t the same as actually doing so. Now she wants advice on how she can improve her sexual experiences.

Case #: 1715

Concern：

I lost my virginity in my mid-teens and am now 22 years old. I am able to orgasm when I masturbate and occasionally from oral sex – I’m not the biggest fan of this. My problem is that when I am having sex with my boyfriend, it feels amazing, but I am never able to orgasm. I feel it, but it never happens. I think I have had close calls, but I have never experienced an orgasm during intercourse. Can you inform me of what I can do on top of having sex and stimulating my clit to help me orgasm?

Discussion：

On the surface, an orgasm seems almost too easy. You – or your boyfriend – find your hot spot, rub it and, after a few moments, come. No mystery, no fuss, only pleasure.

In the real world, however, an orgasm is anything but easy. Trying to reach the big “o” can be more stressful than enjoyable, and when it doesn’t happen at all, you’re likely to feel frustrated and inadequate. Orgasm difficulty can even interfere with an otherwise satisfying relationship.

The most important aspect of an orgasm is feeling comfortable during sex. This means you have to take your mind off the end result and revel in the moment. That’s hard to do when all you really want is to climax, but sex is one of those times when you have to stop thinking, let go of your inhibitions and just feel.

Technique is Key

Let’s step back for a moment and examine the need to “feel.” This is what sex is all about, but some sensations feel better than others. You mentioned you don’t really enjoy oral sex, and intercourse itself doesn’t bring you to orgasm. Here, then, is where technique must be addressed – without the right component to your lovemaking, you’ll never reach climax.

It’s a widely-known fact that most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. You and your boyfriend must therefore give a fair amount of attention to your clit during intercourse. This doesn’t have to be in the form of oral sex. He can rub, pat or otherwise touch you with his fingers to give you the pleasure you need. Even better, he can do this before, during or after sex – whatever your preference. The point is to ensure this organ doesn’t get neglected.

If you’re in the mood to get creative, clitoral stimulation can inspire and improve your lovemaking experience. Certain positions, like woman-on-top, touch your clit more intensely than the traditional missionary style. Your boyfriend can also enter you from behind and then rub your clitoris with his fingers. Feel free to experiment with sex – you don’t need to stick with the same position every time.

A Healthy Clitoris Equals Healthy Orgasms

Many women let this fact slip by them, but orgasms require a healthy clit. Inside this organ are more than 8,000 nerve endings that, when stimulated, give way to orgasm. These nerves, however, can sustain damage that restricts sexual sensation. One of these biggest culprits is over-masturbation. Chronic use of a sex toy or even the repeated touch of your own fingers can desensitize nerves. We recommend that for now, you refrain from masturbating and focus your energies on making love to your boyfriend. A respite will give your clit a chance to heal and also help you see how pleasurable sex can be.

Clitoral insensitivity can also be the result of a hormonal imbalance. Many women who take oral contraceptives have disproportionate levels of estrogen and progesterone, both of which are necessary to vaginal and clitoral health. If you suspect the pill is interfering with your clitoral health, consider alternate measures of birth control.

A Solution Sure to Please

Sometimes, pinpointing the exact cause of clitoral insensitivity can be difficult. Other factors to consider include G-spot insensitivity, general discomfort during sex and the inability to relax. This is why we recommend a sexual solution that focuses on pleasure – a vibrating cock ring. (SEE: Vibrating Cock Ring For Enhanced Stimulating Pleasure)

Considered a sexual toy, the cock ring is to be worn by your boyfriend and serves two purposes: it massages the clitoris during intercourse and also improves erection quality. You and your boyfriend will both enjoy wildly intense orgasms.