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Up in a Flame, Down in a Blaze: Her Sexual Desire was Once Just Fine, But Now It’s Non-Existent

Up until now, she’s had no problems with feeling sexual desire. Throughout the past year, however, she’s experienced waning libido. She’s still willing to have sex, much to her boyfriend’s chagrin, but no longer craves it. What she needs is a prompt way to increase desire and get her relationship back on track.

Case #: 1754


Let me start off by saying that I never had a problem with my sex drive in the past. But lately, for about the past year or so, I just don’t care much for sex anymore. I have tried, and I’m willing to have sex, but I am just not interested in it. My boyfriend has become really frustrated with me because he says he doesn’t just want to have sex with me – he also wants me to want to have sex. Do you have any ideas on how I can increase my desire? I don’t want to be like this forever. Please help me.


Sexual desire is composed of many different factors, including attraction to your partner, hormones, physical health, and mental well-being. Most of us are familiar with the attraction and hormonal components. What few of us don’t consider is why we need to care for our minds and bodies in order to want – and enjoy – sex.

Stress and Physical Health

Whether we invite it or not, stress exists in everyday life. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Some stress is necessary for projects that require concentration and efficiency. Other times, stress helps people deal with trauma, motivate them to meet personal goals and provide energy to get through a long day.

Stress becomes problematic when it takes over a person’s life. Small doses are fine, large doses are not. With stress comes a flood of hormones that increases heart rate, sharpens senses and raises blood glucose levels. In moderation, these physical changes provide bursts of energy and mental clarity. But long-term stress leads to fatigue, depression and high blood pressure. It also zaps sexual desire.

Unlike men, who often use sex as a form of stress relief, women turn away from intercourse when they feel overwhelmed. Most ladies already feel some degree of pressure to be desirable. They may even feel like they have to perform well in bed to please their partners. This on top of burdens at work or home can be too much, so women control the one variable that’s within reach: the frequency with which they have sex.

But stress and libido are linked in even more intricate ways. Consider how you feel when tired and/or worried – you’re likely to be irritable and have headaches or body pains. Some people even suffer conditions like inflammatory bowel disease and psoriasis when stress levels get too high. Physical changes like these aren’t conducive to intercourse. Instead, they make you want to lie on the couch, forget your troubles and relax.

When Life Changes Your Mental State

Working long hours, caring for kids and having to pay bills can also influence your frame of mind. At the beginning of a relationship, when the body is fueled by love and passion, it’s easy to spend time together and find little ways to please each other. But over time, a woman can start to view a relationship as another responsibility. This means she may no longer want to please her partner but still feels obligated to do so. Sexual desire plummets when intercourse is perceived as a chore.

But low libido does not have to be a permanent change. It can, in fact, be easily remedied. Start by taking some time for yourself. You’ve heard this before, but engaging in something you enjoy – a bubble bath, night out with the girls or time in the recliner with a good book – is critical to physical and mental health. We’ve already established stress is an inevitable part of life. To live peacefully, you must therefore learn to manage stress.

Fire and Touch: A Potent Combination

One of the most beneficial ways to reduce anxiety is with a massage. We’re not talking about paying for an hour-long session with a certified professional. We’re telling you and your partner to rub each other slowly and sensually before sex. This will help you relax, ease sore muscles and get you in the mood for love.

For added pleasure, enjoy a candle massage. (SEE: Passion Boosting Erotic Candle Massage) The concept is easy: light a candle, let it burn for 20 to 30 minutes while you and your partner massage each other, blow out the candle and, once it’s cooled, drizzle the wax over each other’s bodies. If you have an edible candle, you can lick the wax off for a teasing, stimulating experience.

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