Woe is She Who Worries about Intercourse: Her Concerns Range from Bleeding during Anal Sex to Lacking Proper Hygiene

Jean Dohm's picture
By Jean Dohm Conditions: Women's Sexual Wellness Age: 18 - 35

Many people forego the measures necessary to protect their sexual well-being. This woman, for instance, feels pain after repeated intercourse and bleeds during anal sex. She wants to correct both so she can enjoy time spent in the bedroom, which means she must find ways to improve her sexual health.

Case #: 
1730

Concern:

Sometimes when my boyfriend and I have sex too much, my vagina will start to hurt. One time he suggested we try anal, and I agreed. We had anal sex, and it was great, I really enjoyed it. But most times I end up bleeding. My fear is that one day, it will bleed so much, or maybe I will even have a bowel movement during penetration. Or, even worse, I worry I didn’t clean myself well enough. I think about this each time we have anal sex, and I think it’s starting to affect us – it might be the reason why I am not relaxed. I really like anal sex and want to keep having it, but what can I do to get those thoughts out of my head?

Discussion:

Women tend to shy away from speaking about sexual health. They either don’t want to burden their partners or feel embarrassed by topics like vaginal pain and anal cleanliness. But here’s the truth: if you don’t open up about your physical and emotional needs, they won’t be met.
 
What Sexual Well-Being Means to You
Sexual wellness encompasses more than the state of your genitals, although that is undeniably important. It forces you to be aware of the impact sex has on your mind and body. Do you feel emotionally comfortable during intercourse? Does a certain technique help you reach orgasm more quickly? Having the answers to questions like these will improve not only your overall health, but also your relationship.
 
Also avoid the habit of reducing sex to little more than physical desire and fulfillment. Women engage in intercourse for a variety of reasons that don’t always relate to pleasure. They may want to satisfy their partners, show their affection or just feel close to the ones they love. Once you understand why you engage in sex, you can take the steps necessary to improve your experience.
 
How to Deal with Sex and Anxiety
Too often one partner shoulders the burden of sexual concerns. You said your inability to relax during anal sex is taking a toll on you and your boyfriend. Now is the time to open dialogue with him and share your worries. Tell him exactly how you feel and explain that you enjoy anal sex but worry about hygiene.
 
If you find a discussion about sex to be too intimidating, or you can’t find the right words to express yourself, use a book or movie for a starting point. Also limit yourself with the length of time spent discussing sex. Start with just 10 or 15 minutes so you don’t feel overwhelmed. Then talk frequently so problems don’t mount and divide you from your boyfriend.
 
Components Necessary for Great Vaginal and Anal Sex
Enough about talking – you also need pointers on ways to protect yourself and feel relaxed during sex. The pain you feel in your vagina after frequent intercourse is the result of chaffing. Chaffing is common when skin repeatedly touches other skin or fabric. You can avoid this uncomfortable condition by using lube.
 
Before you think that lube is strange or messy, consider this: it protects your skin, enhances genital sensation and even improves your chances of having an orgasm. Keep a tube or bottle near the bed so you and your boyfriend can easily access it during sex.
 
If lube is important to vaginal intercourse, it is absolutely necessary for anal sex. This point cannot be stressed enough. Again, lubrication protects skin from chaffing, tearing and bleeding, which means it also protects against nasty skin infections. It facilitates penetration and, because it makes sex feel better, lube will help you relax so you can enjoy making love.
 
One More Item – Anal Douche
The one area in which lube won’t help is with hygiene. But don’t worry – we have a simple solution. Anal douche removes dirt and bacteria from the body and should be used less than one hour before you have sex. (SEE: Anal Douche and Enema Selections) Douching the anal cavity poses no health concerns because, unlike the vagina, it doesn’t maintain a specific pH balance. You simply use tepid water and lubrication for this process and continue douching until the water runs clear. Avoid using soap, which can irritate delicate skin tissue in and around the anus.

What to do


Beginner's Guide To Anal Douche and Enema

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