Overwhelmed with Worry and Mood Swings: When Expecting a Baby Ruins Sex Drive

Jean Dohm's picture
By Jean Dohm Conditions: Women's Low Sex Drive Causes: intimacy fear Age: 18 - 35

Now that she’s pregnant, she’s experiencing mood swings and a loss of libido that forces her to make excuses to her husband. She enjoys sex but is afraid it will harm their unborn baby. She needs to assuage her fears and speak openly with her husband to maintain intimacy in her marriage.

Case #: 


I’m pregnant, and during these 11 weeks, my husband has seen me happy. He has also seen me sad, and he’s seen me moody. And he’s seen me void of all sexual desires. When he asks for sex, I make up any excuse to avoid it: headache, sore feet, upset stomach, or “not feeling it tonight, hun.” He doesn’t complain or show discontent, but I’m not sure how much more he can take.
It’s not that I don’t like sex anymore. Sure, I love sex. But I’m more afraid that I’ll hurt the baby. I know, I know, the baby cannot be exposed to any harm. But still, I remain convinced something will happen to my baby. Am I just being extra cautious, or am I suffering from some type of intimacy issue?


When you’re expecting an addition to the family, it’s normal to have concerns about how your life will soon change. You’re probably worried about money and how you’re going to feel after giving birth. On top of that, you’re currently afraid of doing anything that will hurt the life growing inside you. Rest assured that sex will not harm your unborn baby; it is, in fact, as crucial to your marriage as ever.
Sex and the Mom-to-Be
A lot of women believe that sex will cause irreparable harm to an unborn baby. The truth is that a baby is protected by both the uterus and amniotic sac, keeping it safe from harm for the whole of gestation. Filled with liquid, the sac is durable and doesn’t break until labor begins. You should therefore keep these barriers in mind when you start to worry about sex and the health of your unborn child. He or she will not be harmed during intercourse. 
If you still have any lingering doubts, consider this: sex offers a number of benefits to you and your entire family. Remaining intimate with your husband during pregnancy will help the two of you retain your closeness after the baby is born. Making love also assures you of your femininity and reminds that you’re not just a mother-to-be; you’re also a woman with all the desires that word entails. 
In the same emotional vein, sex releases a slew of feel-good hormones like oxytocin. This dose can benefit you as well as your baby; oxytocin may encourage the development of hormone receptors in your child that will enhance his or her ability to love later in life. The motion of sex can soothe an unborn baby, and intercourse reduces the likelihood of such problems as premature birth.
Fear of Intimacy
Sometimes it’s hard for an expecting mom to reconcile her thoughts with the evidence provided by science. You’re one of those women, and you’ve developed a fear of intimacy that has you making excuses so you don’t have to engage in sex with your husband. Hormones may also factor into your low libido and mood swings, as your estrogen and progesterone levels are fluctuating like never before. Some women want more sex while they’re pregnant, while others don’t even want to think about intercourse. Both are normal reactions and require time and patience to work through.
At this time, while you’re dealing with a flood of thoughts and emotions, you must remember that intimacy doesn’t have to involve intercourse. You and your husband can be intimate in other ways so that crucial spark doesn’t fade from your relationship. Hand holding, gentle caresses and relaxing massages are non-threatening ways to touch each other and convey your love. You also need to openly communicate your fears and anxieties; tell your husband what’s really bothering you instead of making excuses to avoid intercourse.

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Light up the Night
Now that you know sex during pregnancy is healthy and normal, you can find ways to re-ignite your passion. (SEE: Herbal Formula For Sex Drive Boost) An herbal remedy will stimulate blood flow to your genitalia and direct your hormones so you once more feel “in the mood.” Finding ways to de-stress and add some romance will bring you closer to your husband. Enjoy a candlelight dinner or quiet evening for two. If you’re able, also engage in exercise to help you feel good about your body. Get plenty of sleep and eat a nutritious diet to further ensure you’re in the right frame of mind for playtime between the sheets.

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