I Just Want To Have An Orgasm

Sasha Johnson's picture
By Sasha Johnson Conditions: Women's Orgasm Difficulty Age: 36 - 55

Learn how a thirty-something desperately wants to have an orgasm and to what lengths she'll go to achieve her big 'O' goal.

Case #: 
715

Concern:

I am a 37 year old married woman. I think I have had an orgasm once in my life. It was after having no sex for many years. I believe that is why I was able to have that experience. Here is my problem... My husband and I have relations 2 to 4 times a week and I enjoy it very much, I like the feeling of penetration and foreplay, but having an orgasm is really a myth in my mind. Last night I used arousal gel prior to my husband and I having sex. It didn't seem to do much for me other than give me a warming sensation. Later, when I was by myself I used my vibrator--my husband was in the other room--I had shooting sensations down my legs as I vibrated my clitoris that was almost painful, so I stopped. I restarted a few minutes later, trying a different position, I thought I was almost to the point of climax and the feeling was again too intense, and painful. I stopped again because I thought I would be too loud, the feeling was overwhelming in a good way. I am new to masturbation and am just trying to figure out how to achieve orgasm so I can show my husband what I need. The vibrator is new to me and I have used it 2 or 3 times in the 3 months that I've had it. Is there something that I am doing wrong?

Discussion:

The thing about orgasms is they're highly elusive when it comes to women. What seems like second nature for men can sometimes only happen once in a blue moon for women. And I just happen to be one of those women, so I can definitely sympathize with your situation. 

The Hidden 'O'
My personal dilemma was a bit different; I could make myself have an orgasm via masturbation, but I had never had one while engaged in intercourse till this very year. How this suddenly came about, I really have no idea, one day I was perched on top of my boyfriend while on vacation and it just happened. Everything clicked in all the right places. When I did finally have one though, I quickly went to work on making it happen again and again.
 
How I Did It While Doing 'It'
What I realized was that while we were in a position where I was on top of him and I leaned forward enough to have my clitoris grind against his pelvic bone, which was just the right amount of stimulation I needed. I suppose it also helped that we were on vacation and I wasn't thinking about the bills I had to pay or having to make dinner in an hour.

I now use this method every time I’m ready for my climax and it usually always works. What I learned was that only about ten percent of women can actually achieve orgasm through purely penetration alone. All the other ladies out there are getting off on clitoral stimulation instead. 
 
Distress Before Bed
I know from personal experience, that having the thought that you won't be able to orgasm for your partner before you partake in the festivities can stress you out beyond belief. It's important to relax and let go of your inhibitions in order to really be able to get where you want to go.

What I am concerned about is the amount of damage you may have caused while using your vibrator. Only because the abrasions left behind might deter you from reaching your orgasmic goal. I would definitely recommend going natural in this aspect. Herbs such as Evening Primrose Oil and Black Cohosh (TRY: herbal remedy to revive the clitoral sensitivity) have been known to rejuvenate tissues in the clitoral area. They do this by stimulating and replenishing the production of, critical neuro-nutrients and hormonal precursors. 
 
This will also be great for waking up those sleepy senses, and have you headed towards orgasm with a fiery force.
 
Clitoral Pains
I would also recommend putting down the vibrator for a while. You're definitely on the right track by really finding out what makes your vagina tick, but you don't want to damage those sensitive nerve endings with your efforts. If the pain persists you should contact your OBGYN immediately to see if there has been any residual damage left behind in the wake of the vibrator.

What to do


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Most modern career-oriented adults sadly discover that as life gets busier, they (and many other couples) indulge in unsatisfying goal-oriented sex. A ‘quickie’ gets the job done. But all this ‘too much’ and ‘too fast’ can numb a woman’s most... Read more
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