Her Husband Wants to Slip in the Backdoor: He’s Ready for Anal Sex, She Needs Reassurance

Jean Dohm's picture
By Jean Dohm Conditions: Women's Intercourse Pain Age: 18 - 35

Given her husband’s high sex drive, it’s not surprising he now wants to try anal sex. But she’s heard too many horror stories to be convinced that anal sex is anything other than painful. She’s willing to try for the sake of her husband – she just wants to make sure she does it the right way.

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I am embarrassed to even write this, but I really need some help. The problem is that I have a husband with a sex drive that raises the roof, and he wants to have anal sex. I don’t know how to have anal sex, and I have heard and read nightmare stories of women who have engaged and had a bowel movement during the act. Another woman had anal sex, and her hole ruptured and bled. I don’t this happening to me. I know it is safe to have anal sex to a certain extent, but I want to know how to avoid any of these situations. I want to have normal, safe anal sex like most people do.


You’re right – embarrassing anal sex stories can be found just about everywhere. Most of these come from women who likely went into the act with little or no preparation. It’s bad enough that men seem to desire backdoor action way more than ladies do. But this desire is made even worse by the mixture of fear and misunderstanding most women have when it comes to anal sex.
Removing the Stigma of Anal Action
We’re going to start by removing all mysteries about anal sex. Yes, it can hurt. It can be unpleasant and even impossible if a woman isn’t able to relax and take in her partner’s penis.
Now that we’ve gotten the ugly truth out of the way, we can enlighten you with happier information. As we already said, a woman must be relaxed. This will make it easier for your husband to get inside and also enable you to feel some pleasure. That’s right – some women orgasm during anal sex. This is especially true if their partners stimulate their clits before or during. Those women who don’t climax find their orgasms during vaginal penetration and/or clit play are more intense. Either way, this is a win-win situation for you.
In order to be a woman who likes backdoor action, you have to own it. This means you have to embrace your sexuality and view anal sex as an adventure – not a burden. Stay in control by guiding your husband’s penis into you, and communicate with him so he knows what you’re feeling.
Even after all of this, if you try anal sex and find it doesn’t feel good, it simply isn’t for you. That’s ok – not every act is for everyone, but you won’t know until you try. If anal sex does hurt, tell your husband and stop. Just be aware that even women who enjoy it admit to feeling some pain – not the kind that rips through their bodies, but that which enhances the experience, like the hair pulling some women enjoy during sex.
Tips to Avoid Anal Disaster
In light of the stories you’ve heard, you’re probably wondering how a woman avoids mishaps like bowel movements and bleeding. The first is relatively easy – use the restroom no more than one hour before you and your husband have sex. Also make sure you clean yourself thoroughly prior to getting into bed with warm water and gentle soap.
Bleeding, which is the result of skin tearing, can be avoided several different ways. The first is to fool around before anal sex. Both you and your husband should take your time and engage in plenty of foreplay. If he makes you orgasm prior to anal sex, you’ll be that much more relaxed. Remember, relaxation is key.
The second most important component is lube. You can’t have anal sex without it, so select a brand both you and your husband like. Once you’re ready for anal sex, use as much lube as necessary. (SEE: Guide to Anal Lube Selection) You don’t need to be shy with this stuff – it will enhance your experience, ease any pain you might feel and prevent damage to your anus.
For added protection, have your husband clean his penis if the two of you have vaginal intercourse after anal play. The anus is loaded with bacteria that can cause vaginal infection if it’s introduced to that environment. Follow these tips and know that your foray into backdoor action will be much less traumatic than you think. You might even surprise yourself and enjoy it.

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