The Woman Who Wanted and Loved Anal Sex: Tips from One Who Finds Pleasure in Backdoor Action

Jean Dohm's picture
By Jean Dohm Conditions: Women'sSexual Wellness

If you’re a woman, you probably have questions about anal sex. Don’t worry – this doesn’t make you a sexual deviant. Quite the opposite, it means you’re willing to try something new in bed. That’s smart for the health of your relationship and your sexual well-being.
 
Anal sex, however, is nothing like vaginal intercourse. To help us understand the right way to engage is Valerie, who at 33 years old feels she’s finally learned how to enjoy this extremely intimate but potentially pleasing act.
 
Valerie Shares Her Story
Us: What do you remember of the first time you had anal sex?
 
Valerie: My extreme fear. My boyfriend, who is now my husband, has a fairly large penis, and I thought for sure he was going to tear me wide open. I wasn’t comfortable at all, but I felt anal sex was something I had to try.
 
Us: Did he hurt you?
 
Valerie: Yes, inadvertently. Neither of us knew what we were doing. We didn’t use enough lube, and he could barely get his penis head inside me. I made him stop before we really started.
 
Us: And you tried again?
 
Valerie: We did. The idea of anal sex aroused us both, but we were more experimental the second time. He first brought me to orgasm by playing with my clit. That helped me relax, and it put us in the mood for something even sexier. Than he propped my hips up with a pillow, which gave him better access and allowed me to guide his penis.
 
Us: It’s probably safe to say you also used more lube.
 
Valerie: Right. We put the tube on the bed beside us. He rubbed some on his penis and put it all around my anus, even the skin surrounding my anus.
 
Us: Was the second time a success?
 
Valerie: You might say that. I came three or four times that night. Now I love anal sex. We take our time and do it right. It’s not a rushed act, or a part of sex that we know will bring us both to orgasm. The one thing it does do is guarantee deeper orgasms – we’re both really satisfied after a night of lovemaking that includes anal.
 
Us: If you could share one piece of advice on anal sex, what would it be?
 
Valerie: Try it with somebody you love, but don’t do it because you feel pressure. Go for anal to intensify lovemaking and turn up the passion. If you don’t like it, don’t push it. I have girlfriends who hate anal sex, and that’s fine – it isn’t for everybody. But at least be open-minded before you make a judgment.
 
Try It for Yourself
Now it’s your turn to heed Valerie’s advice. Create an environment in which you feel comfortable and aroused, and anal sex might be the best thing you’ve ever tried. If you orgasm from oral action, have your man give you that before going for anal. Likewise, if you need him to whisper sweet words of love as he massages your anus, go for it. Then have him penetrate you slowly and easily.
 
Don’t forget the two most important keys: gain control of the situation so he can’t hurt you, and use plenty of lubrication. Valerie achieved the first by guiding her husband’s penis with her hand – you can do the same or try another technique. As for lube, enough choices exist that you can take your pick. (SEE: Guide To Picking A Lube) Remember to use it liberally; lubrication protects your anus from damage and also increases your sensation.

What to do


Anal Lube Guide

From the popular brands to the I’ve-never-heard-of’em types, anal lubes serve one job: to make sex less painful. Read more
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