When Life gets in the Way: A Passionate Marriage is Hard to Hold Unless Both Partners Pay Their Dues

Jean Dohm's picture
By Jean Dohm Conditions: Women'sLow Sex DriveOrgasm Difficulty

The first few years of their marriage, Tawny and Ryan each blazed with passion. The looks they shared sent shivers down her spine, their kisses put butterflies in her stomach. “We were always desperate for the other’s touch,” she says. “Sometimes we couldn’t even get into the bedroom before we started tearing our clothes off.”
The times they were apart – when they had to go to work or visit friends – passed in agonizingly slow seconds. “At the end of each day, I flew home just to see him,” Tawny admits. “And I literally felt I could fly. Love makes you feel like anything is possible.”

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Good Bye to the Honeymoon
Like most couples, Tawny and Ryan eventually cooled toward each other. She says it was a relief at first because she could function more firmly. “Early in our marriage, I felt like a horse on a race track. Everything I did and said was at a top speed. My adrenaline never stopped pumping.”
With time, Tawny realized that although she still loved her husband, she felt no passion. The giggling, kissing and touching stopped. They performed cursorily in the bedroom before rolling away from each.
“I started to think of intercourse as my wifely duty,” Tawny says. “I couldn’t believe this intimate act had once brought me such joy. On the few times each month Ryan and I did get busy, I wanted him to quickly finish so I could relax.”
A Scholarly Solution
Tawny was no innocent. She knew from friends and family members that marriages often end because both partners stop trying. Outside obligations get in the way of passion, making it easy for love’s flame to fade.
“I saw what was happening and decided to put the brakes on our downhill slide,” Tawny says. “I started looking for ways to restore excitement to our marriage and found a book called 1001 Ways to be Romantic. Its words literally changed my life. The author covered everything, from cheap dates to expensive getaways. It was like having a personal self-help coach move in.”
The book showed Tawny romance is the fruit of labor. (SEE: Help Books for Enhanced Orgasms) It doesn’t happen magically – it requires thought and effort from both people.
“I showed the book to Ryan and told him we needed to re-build our passion. He was, of course, skeptical. So I took control and began doing small things for him. I tied a love note to his keychain one morning and brought him coffee in bed. Once Ryan realized the big impact a small step can have, he read the book for himself. Now he’s a believer.”
The Need for Ongoing Effort
Curious about the other ways in which her relationship could improve, Tawny delved into other books. She knew the knowledge she gleaned wouldn’t hurt, and making a conscious effort to work on her marriage made her feel…good.
“After 1001 Ways to be Romantic, I ordered another book. This was titled The 100 Best Foreplay Tips Ever. I had always considered Ryan a great lover, but this book taught us things we never dreamed. We learned new and creative ways to turn each other on. Our sex life became better than ever.”
Looking back on her reading, which today totals more than 10 self-help books, Tawny sees she needed a confidence boost. “Ryan and I had fallen into a routine,” she says. “We went to work, ate supper and watched TV. Our connection got lost. The advice provided by these books gave me the confidence I needed to address our marital problems and fix them.”

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