Question:

Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months now. In the beginning of our relationship, I noticed he would cum very quickly, so I thought to myself, “Wow, he is still nervous with me and excited and through time this will stop.”

Well, it has been nine months and he still does it. He tells me that it might be a stress problem and that he wants to talk to a doctor to see if there are any pills he can take.

He says he has tried thinking of other things. We have tried climax control oil. We even use climax control condoms. Can you please help us?

I really want to enjoy sex with him without constantly thinking that he is going to go any second.

It is really leaving me frustrated and I have never made an issue about it because I felt if I did he would be self-conscious about it. Come to find out, he is already.


Answer:

You are correct in thinking that making an issue about it will leave him more self-conscious than he already is, but it must be done if you want to help him.

But how you approach him can make a world of difference. Let him know that you support him and won’t leave or ridicule him because of this. Knowing you understand and will help him work through this problem will not only be very comforting, but will also reduce the anxiety and stress he is experiencing, which is adding to his quick ejaculation problem.

Stress and anxiety is a very common cause of premature ejaculation, so your boyfriend is probably right. Mental stress will stimulate the involuntary actions of the sympathetic nerves. These are the nerves used to trigger more adrenalin, increase heart rate, and supply more oxygen to the body to help deal with stress.

But the sympathetic nerves also stimulate ejaculation. The more activity that is put on the sympathetic, the greater the urge to ejaculate. This is why stress can make your boyfriend come faster.

You might also be right in thinking that he was nervous about having sex with you in the beginning. His performance anxiety will greatly stimulate the sympathetic nerves before sex even begins. But where you are wrong is thinking that it will go away with time.

Excitement and the unfamiliarity of being with someone new may have started his quick ejaculations, but the worry of it happening again is ironically making it happen again. Once more, being comfortable and knowing that you are okay with this will help him overcome his anxiety.

If talking it out isn’t enough for him, there are other solutions. The condoms you are using won’t help much, because the stimulation to the nerves he’s experiencing isn’t physical, but mental. Creams have the same result.

His thinking of other things won’t help much because it will detract from the natural enjoyment and thought of sex. So what are we left with?

Counseling is an option. A therapist may be able to help the two of you talk about your concerns and help him relieve the anxiety he has built up in his mind.

He could go to a doctor and get something prescribed, but this is not a good solution. There is currently no medication designed for premature ejaculation.

The only thing that has been shown to slightly help is low dosages of antidepressant drugs. These will help retain the serotonin level in his body, which is a neurotransmitter for the parasympathetic nerves (the ones used to control ejaculation).

The drugs will only add a couple of minutes to his ejaculation time. But the real problem is the side effects that antidepressants have, which include among other things, impotence. You think coming too fast is a problem now, but how much will him not getting an erection bother you?

If he does want a solution he can take in a pill, then have him take herbal supplements. Herbal blends will address many of the problems he is experiencing without leaving negative and harmful side effects.

Look for products containing damiana, fo-ti, gardenia, and muira puama. These natural ingredients will help soothe sympathetic nervous functions. They can also help reduce the anxiety and stress he is currently experiencing. Because these nerves work upon the nervous system, they will also help to nourish and fortify the abilities of the parasympathetic nerves (the ones responsible for ejaculation control).

Besides these ingredients, look for an herbal solution that contains avena sativa, cistanche, and schisandra. These will help the natural production of hormones in his body.

Stress and anxiety can often alter the homeostasis of the body and the proper hormonal levels needed for sexual functioning.

These herbs will aid the body in its production of hormones and ensure that there is enough for all the body’s needs – not just sex.

Very Helpful->